2002-01-09 - 3:25 a.m.
I saw "Lord of the Rings" the other day. Ok, it was a few days ago, but I still saw it. What can you say about a movie like that? The lovely Elisa thought it was pure cinematic gold. I, on the other hand, looked at my watch, not once but thrice during the movie. Never a good sign.
Don't get me wrong. The movie was done well, acted ability, and the special effects were good enough not to be noticeable in most scenes (unlike my poor spelling). The real fault in this movie is not how it was made, but why it was made, and the material that it is based on.
Sure, Tolkien created a whole world and populated it with creatures great and small. He shaped Modern Fantasy more than anyone else. But that still doesn't speak to the fact that the story itself is not that interesting. A bad guy forges a bunch of rings to give to the people of Middle Earth, while unbeknownst to them he can control them all with the "One Ring." Of course the ring can't be taken from him, unless he is stupid enough to enter into battle himself, in which case his One Ring Finger might get chopped off. You would think he might of thought of that.
Anyway, hilarity ensues as those darn Little Rascal scamper about looking for the Millionaire's baby.. wait that was from THE "little rascals." "Lord of The Rings" is just one giant chase scene, and not an interesting one at that. You know that the little bugger with the ring isn't going to be hurt, and yet he nearly (NEARLY) dies twice (TWICE!).
I haven't read the books, and there is a reason for that. They are boring. The lovely Elisa tried to tell me that I didn't appreciate fantasy, but there was a time in my life where all I read were fantasy books, and all my spare time was spent playing D&D, or reading about D&D, or planning for D&D sessions. I know fantasy. It isn't too hard to know fantasy. It is all basically a chase scene. An artifact of great importance needs to be either used against someone, or taken from someone, or destroyed for the betterment of mankind.
And, I might add, there wasn't a single nun in the whole damn movie.
DAMN YOU PETER JACKMAN, DAMN YOU TO HELL!
Love,
SBM
